Premier League clubs still aim to finish the season

I've also tried scheduling models, but none of them seem to want to come over to the house with my wife away.

I also aim to get therapy for my inability to maintain an outlook grounded in reality, although I believe I'm making progress on that as I'd have once chosen Cameron Diaz who, as a person to bump into, is obviously not realistic at all.

I didn't take my allocated exercise period today. Can I come with you, whilst observing social distancing protocols?

I have lots of antiseptic wipes!

The BBC had a poll which had a few options to finish this season, null and void came out top 39%, to play till the end of time came second at 28%. I don't think the Red loving BBC expected this result and haven't bothered to discuss it much.

They had 5 ex-players on the same article giving their opinion, 2 of the 5 were ex-Liverpool, very impartial.

Back to our local rag, the Echo, the paper that always goes with Liverpool and Everton and never Everton and Liverpool. A friend of mine emails their daily quiz, today's subject LFC +EFC.

Question: How many times have Everton won the league?

Answer: 8. Tells you all you need to know about our "Local" paper.

If Les Dennis can do it, you're in with a shout.

Alan, #7. Can't speak for Chris but this Williams is from the Wirral. 🤪

I'm very shortsighted but I'm also from the Wirral. My Great Grandad was from Caernarfon.

Are you sure we're not related?

No wonder I'm shortsighted!

Claire (Tramp) Sweeney – are you sure? Quality control is required man!

Katie McGrath, Dita Von Tease, or if we go back to the late '70s, Kate Bush would all do for me.

Warden: "Do you have a permit for all these fish?"
Man: "No sir. These are all my pet fish."
Warden: "Your pet fish? How's that?"
Man: "Well, every night I take all my pet fish for a walk to the lake. I let them swim for about half-an-hour and then I whistle and they all come back and jump in my basket and we go home. We do this every night."
Warden: "Well that's just a crock of lies!!"
Man: "Here, I'll show you..." (Releases the fish in the lake)
Warden: "Well this I got to see!!

5 minutes later...

Warden: "Well??"
Man: "What?"
Warden: "The fish!! Where's your pet fish??
Man: "What fish??"

On the day of his retirement, the man came to the guard as usual but without the wheelbarrow. Having become friends over the years, the guard asked him,

“Charlie, I've seen you walk out of here every night for 20 years. I know you've been stealing something. Now that you're retired, tell me what it is. It's driving me crazy.”

Charlie simply smiled and replied, “Okay, wheelbarrows!”

Dave #16. Yes, the Wirral (for short), or to give my place of abode it's full title: The Wirral secure facility.

Brian: can I come and can I bring Toni Wille?

But I can't see who or what has set this deadline!

Last time I went, I called around but she was out!

If the RS persuade Uefa that Everton are retrospectively declared Champions of Europe 1986, I will support them being declared Premier League winners 2019-20.

It's time to move on.

When you factor in clubs will probably need at least a couple of weeks "pre-season training" before they can play again this season, then I reckon the first game back could be mid to late June. Let's say Man City go all the way in the FA Cup and Champions League, that's a staggering 19 games they still have to play this season. Okay, I know there may be a "new" format for the Champions League, but still, it's asking an awful lot for them to play so many games in such a short period, have a summer break (not that any team should have one this summer), report back for pre-season training, then start all over again in September.

Basically the league will end one week and the new one start the next. We will see injuries like never before. The best thing is scrap this season, null and void hopefully, but, if not, as the league stands now. Okay, the RS win the league, which, let's face it, they were going to anyway, but finish it now and make it a tainted victory, with a dirty big asterisk next to their name.

Asterix

That assumes matches will be permitted behind closed doors. We in the UK will not be seeing mass gatherings of people in football stadia for many months to come.

Well, the Premier League is just buying time from the machinery it is tangled into.

Doctor: “Stevie, you have to stop wanking.”

Gerrard: “Why?”

Doctor: “So I can examine you!”

Raise you Alexandra Bastedo, Vanessa Paradis and Maddy Smith...

Eugene Ruane, come on in 😂

Now we have to wait til hell freezes over to allow them the title.

Everton had the leading goal scorer, Tommy Lawton. I think he's now out of contract but he probably won't be much less fit than Oumar Niasse and with just a bit of exhumation will probably be just as effective.

I say: Finish the 39-40 first! Then we can worry about later matters.

I had an "opportunity" with Claire Sweeney a few years back but was, how shall I say – indisposed.

I find myself slobbering, nay slavering here.

Nurse, the screens!

Edit; I get the feeling we are less than impressed with the Premier Leagues plans – they're living in a dream world if they think they will kick a ball in anger before Bonny Night – if thenl

Just a little prick!

Germany which has suggested that they may start their league in the next 4 to 6 weeks may now have to think again. As today it was announced that, despite their chief medical officer thinking the worst was passed, they have recorded rises in the people who have contracted Covid-19 for the 4th consecutive day and the death toll in Germany continues to rise.

Surely at some point the Premier League will have to make a choice between making the season null and void or confirming where clubs are now will be deemed the finishing positions.

Now if you don't null and void the season, the other option will open a can of worms as, if you say the 3 clubs in the relegation zone will be relegated and the top 2 in the Championship will be promoted, there will be lots of court cases which would stop any chance of starting next season till these cases were brought to court.

And that woman was Brigette Bardot - wow !! - my type of gal!!

Pity she's gone to the dogs since then, so to speak.

Cue swinging jokes :-)

We cannot ignore what is happening but, at the same time, we need something to try and lift the situation we are all in and try and help each other.

Keep up the good work, fellow posters. Well done to Lyndon, Michael and others who have helped keep this site going when we need it the most.

Keep well and safe fellow Blues.

Is that anywhere near the fanzone?

Down Boy! 😂😋

2019-20 Premier League Season “Should Be Cancelled” Say Unbiased Fans

https://newsofthenews.com/2019-20-premier-league-season-should-be-cancelled-say-unbiased-fans

Well maybe you have a point there Derek.

I remember Rita Webb did that song from ‘Grease' with Arthur Mullard.

Much better than the original version!

Better than bromide too.

I always remember, in his latter years, Kevin Sheedy was the whipping boy. Anyway, this one game, he was out injured and I was sat in the main stand. I spotted Sheedy two rows behind me and about four rows further left.

The game was less than inspiring and this guy two seats to the left of me was blasting a player and top of his voice shouted, "You're shite, you're almost as shite as Sheedy!" I let the guy hang himself a little longer then told him to look behind him... he clocked Kevin Sheedy smiling at him.

Pure gold, no words exchanged, just a knowing smile from Sheedy put the guy well and truly in a 10-foot hole.

One Million Years BC - all of the women in this film
Ingrid Pitt - Hammer Films
Britt Ekland - Whicker Man,
Claudia Cardinale - How The West War Won
Alexandra Bastedo - The Champions
Beatrice Dalle - Betty Blue
Isabelle Adjani - One Deadly Summer
Veronica Hammell - Hill Street Blues
Kathleen Turner in her 80s films...

Also, much credit to writers Roy Clarke and Tony Warren for observing and putting down on paper an endless supply of strong (mostly) Northern women.

Baring the two classic male characters in Open All Hours and one or two in Corrie, all the big (Lynda Barron's Gwladys Emmanuel) parts were, and still are(?) played by women, with men added as almost afterthoughts.

On to my own personal favourite, superbly written and imagined by Roy Clarke, she didn't even have a name, nor many scenes. But wrapped up in bobble hat, scarf and parka, 'The Milk Woman', armed with only Barbara Flynn's mischievous grin hinted at the promise of the untold pleasures that might be had with an extra pot of yoghurt.

No fans may be allowed till the 21-22 season. There really is no rush to finish this season. Surely football must wait while hospitals get back to some normality. Football matches will still require an ambulance, doctors present even without fans.

Those thinking normality by August, no. A return to crowded stadiums is a long way off. Public safety is paramount. If we take a moment to reflect on those who have died, those who are fighting for their lives, and all who live in fear of getting the virus... football can wait!!

At the Baptist church the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.

The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.

The Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out pans of whiskey around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with alcohol. They sadly learned how much damage a band of drunk squirrels can do.

But the Catholic church came up with a very creative strategy! They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.

Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They caught the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven't seen a squirrel since.

Good luck to the Geordies. If some Evertonians have doubts about Usmanov being associated with us, then they might want to take a closer look at some of the above-mentioned. This, sadly, is our present and future. If you want to compete with the big boys, you're going to have to hold your nose and look away.

I often wonder about the Muslim edict of "no alcohol" - written apparently by a follower of the prophet a couple of hundred years after Mohammed had died. How could he know what Mohammed had said? Not only that, but would the world have been a safer, or more dangerous place, if that religious ban had never been mooted?

We can only look to the effect of prohibition in the USA for an answer to that!

Just wanted to thank Lyndon and Michael for the way they have allowed the site to open up. It is not being trivial to come on here and talk about transfer rumours or tactics. It is normalising the world.

Yesterday my family got a blow from Covid-19. It has made me sad and reflective but I have come onto this site to feel a sense of community; to be part of something.Michael and Lyndon, you are providing an essential service and we all appreciate it. I have had quite a few arguments with plenty of ToffeeWebers but never encountered one I wouldn't like to have a beer with.

I am wary of sentimentality but there are worse things. This is the best fansite with the best supporters in the world.

I tend to feel my words are meaningless in such grievous situations, so I don't say much, as – no matter what you say to demonstrate empathy – you can never feel that overwhelming emotional sledgehammer until it happens in your own life.

Best wishes.

I have no idea if it's on YouTube anywhere but it will probably be in black and white.

Another good one is Norman Collyer when he's commentating with a faulty mic or pretending to ride an ostrich or some such bird.

Equally monochrome!

https://www.dailymotion.com/video/xds7am

I am not great with modern technology but just put Jimmy James's name into Google and it brought up the sketch I was talking about; as suspected, it was in black and white.

My wife for some reason hadn't seen this before and she was screaming with laughter and it was even funnier than when I watched it the first time. 4 minutes of absolute magic, you can see a were Eric Morcambe got some of his mannerisms from.

Jimmy James was funny alright. On a lot in the 50s and early 60s. A scouser I think. One of my sisters best friends from school was his niece., Susan. She loved him as an Uncle, but wasn't so sure about him being funny.

I had a look at him on YouTube as well as Norman Collier (correct spelling), who is also hilarious. I sent some clips over to my mate in USA who loved him back then. In colour, no less.

The guy who rode about on a fake ostrich was actually Bernie Clifton, it seems. So much for my memory!

Thanks for mentioning him cos I'd forgotten him before you mentioned his name.

I was wrong about pretty much everything else, so probably wrong about that too. It was Brian who mentioned him first, and like younId forgotten him. YouTube is full of clips of stuff from that era.

It sometimes seemed dated in those days, probably because I was young and listening to Beyond the Fringe or something, but it doesn't now, for sure.

Around the Horne still features on the BBC app.

Senior Whitehall Mandarin, answering phone:

I've got Brown Horrocks on my extension

Kenneth Williams:

Ooh have you tried calamine lotion?

Finishing this season will be a shambles and will impact into a new season of competitions. Most fans have lost interest by now, so the season is null and void anyway.

And the countries I've been in that ban alcohol are a lot like the US during prohibition with everyone making their own booze.

http://www.epicure.demon.co.uk/inthebox.html

“It's my husband! Try the back door!”

I suppose I should have run away but you don't get an offer like that every day.

The only thing that seemed to disallow alcohol was that it is man-made. A bit like televisions supposedly being evil because they are not mentioned in the Bible although given some of the programmes on my TV it is at least bloody awful.

"I was walking along this narrow mountain pass - so narrow that nobody else could pass you, when I saw a beautiful blonde walking towards me. A beautiful blonde with not a stitch on, yes, not a stitch on, lady. Cor blimey, I didn't know whether to toss myself off or block her passage!"

I'm surprised anyone in the BBC understood it. A bit beneath them perhaps? Outrageous by the standards of the 40s.

Just been listening to a bit of Around the Horne.

"Did you manage to drag yourself up on deck?"

"Ooh no, we stayed casual..."
Jules and Sandy

The BBC probably didn't get that either.

The Goons used to get away with murder on the initial live broadcast, but the repeat later in the week was about 5 minutes shorter.

"Paging Mr Jarse... Mr Hugh Jarse."

But now caught up and having implemented "Operation Abyss" with the company, I return to TW to find Andy Crooks @79 sing due praise to Lyndon and Michael for allowing TW to "veer" a bit.

I couldn't agree more. I veer by nature, and often can't stick to "footy / Everton only" comments.

But right now, having come on and read a bit, I really am grateful for the submissions, banter, and the leeway to veer of course.

I hope you manage to protect your business, I know it must be tough. But with luck and work it can be ok, mate.

My son's little micropub business had a bit of a shock too, having to shut down just 10 days after opening their third pub, with a hefty capital outlay. They're working hard to keep afloat and so far so good, and the customers are rallying around.

But it's a slog.

Keep safe.

Andy #79, I'm emailing you now.

Broughton Hall I think.

Small old world!

It's probably my crap memory, and I suspect it probably was. My sisters name is Margaret, if you speak to Susan at some point. A grandma now with 4 grandchildren!

Over 50 cell towers in the UK were vandalized over the weekend, with major telecom companies Vodafone, EE, and BT blaming the fraudulent conspiracy theory that 5G connectivity is the cause of coronavirus.

April 10-13 saw a rise in attacks that followed attacks earlier this month. 22 EE phone masts were vandalized, as reported by the I newspaper, and although not all were successful, houses had to be evacuated as a result and arrests were made. EE also confirmed that the majority of towers damaged do not currently support 5G. Vodafone CEO Nick Jeffrey said in a LinkedIn post that 20 masts were damaged, including those providing connectivity to a hospital in Birmingham. BT CEO Philip Jansen said that 11 towers had been destroyed or damaged by arson, and 39 engineers had been verbally abused or physically assaulted.

I now recall that Susan's dad was a BBC producer, so it is the same person. Never mind, mate. Life unfolds.

Michael/Alan,

It's a microcosm of the bullshit afflicting the human race when bollocks is spread quickly and absorbed by the idiocracy.

I well recall the paediatrician episode, and I think it was as a result of a naming and shaming campaign by the News of the World that led to it. I'm not sure but I think it was on the watch of the woman who used to have ‘country lunches' with Cameron in the Cotswolds.

But given my record on here today, I'm probably wrong.

Graham Chapman: Nothing like a good glass of Chateau de Chassilier wine, ay Gessiah?

Terry Jones: You're right there Obediah.

Eric Idle: Who'd a thought thirty years ago we'd all be sittin' here drinking Chateau de Chassilier wine?

MP: Aye. In them days, we'd a' been glad to have the price of a cup o' tea.

GC: A cup ' COLD tea.

EI: Without milk or sugar.

TJ: OR tea!

MP: In a filthy, cracked cup.

EI: We never used to have a cup. We used to have to drink out of a rolled up newspaper.

GC: The best WE could manage was to suck on a piece of damp cloth.

TJ: But you know, we were happy in those days, though we were poor.

MP: Aye. BECAUSE we were poor. My old Dad used to say to me, 'Money doesn't buy you happiness.'

EI: 'E was right. I was happier then and I had NOTHIN'. We used to live in this tiiiny old house, with greaaaaat big holes in the roof.

GC: House? You were lucky to have a HOUSE! We used to live in one room, all hundred and twenty-six of us, no furniture. Half the floor was missing; we were all huddled together in one corner for fear of FALLING!

TJ: You were lucky to have a ROOM! *We* used to have to live in a corridor!

MP: Ohhhh we used to DREAM of livin' in a corridor! Woulda' been a palace to us. We used to live in an old water tank on a rubbish tip. We got woken up every morning by having a load of rotting fish dumped all over us! House!? Hmph.

EI: Well when I say 'house' it was only a hole in the ground covered by a piece of tarpolin, but it was a house to US.

GC: We were evicted from *our* hole in the ground; we had to go and live in a lake!

TJ: You were lucky to have a LAKE! There were a hundred and sixty of us living in a small shoebox in the middle of the road.

MP: Cardboard box?

TJ: Aye.

MP: You were lucky. We lived for three months in a brown paper bag in a septic tank. We used to have to get up at six o'clock in the morning, clean the bag, eat a crust of stale bread, go to work down mill for fourteen hours a day week in-week out. When we got home, our Dad would thrash us to sleep with his belt!

GC: Luxury. We used to have to get out of the lake at three o'clock in the morning, clean the lake, eat a handful of hot gravel, go to work at the mill every day for tuppence a month, come home, and Dad would beat us around the head and neck with a broken bottle, if we were LUCKY!

TJ: Well we had it tough. We used to have to get up out of the shoebox at twelve o'clock at night, and LICK the road clean with our tongues. We had half a handful of freezing cold gravel, worked twenty-four hours a day at the mill for fourpence every six years, and when we got home, our Dad would slice us in two with a bread knife.

EI: Right. I had to get up in the morning at ten o'clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed, (pause for laughter), drink a cup of sulphuric acid, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill, and pay mill owner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our Dad and our mother would kill us, and dance about on our graves singing 'Hallelujah.'

MP: But you try and tell the young people today that... and they won't believe ya'.

ALL: Nope, nope..

What goes ha ha ha bump?

A man laughing his head off.

Of course it doesn't help when you have media figures who exacerbate a situation by spouting false information. Eamonn Holmes, a presenter (who personally I have never liked anyway) on ITV This Morning show, started or fuelled the fire on this subject.

https://news.yahoo.com/coronavirus-eamonn-holmes-under-fire-173736837.html

Really funny and iconic sketch, I've heard mates quoting bits of it ever since!

Thanks for taking the time to write it out for us. Funny memories.

In fact I might have to go 'full Liam' on your ass..

Link

Steady on!

Have a look to see if you are in the crowd and it's the only film on football I've ever seen with a striptease in it. Watch it (The Golden Vision) at Link

Yet the FA are looking to play some games behind closed doors as long as they adhere to social distancing, so how on earth are players going to keep 2 metres away from each other, especially at corners and also making a tackle?

Am I missing something here that the FA see, and I do not?

The FA / Premier League cannot focus on anything other than completing the season – lots of dosh involved.

On another forum, somebody made the salient point that, should our neighbours get the two wins they need early in the completion phase, they could play their reserves in the remaining games and be far fresher for the start of the 2020-21 campaign, than other clubs who have something to play for, ie, European and relegation places.

Sooner the better the individual clubs come out with a plan of what is going to happen with fans season ticket money and they stop going on about extending deadlines for next season's ticket (there will be no fans at stadium this year nor until a vaccine is proven to work).

Stop the dithering and make a bloody decisive decision.

I would not be suprised either, if they resumed behind closed doors, our neighbours get the points needed, then they decide it's not ideal to carry on behind closed doors. They get the title, no relegation, Leeds and West Brom promoted and final positions taken as they stand.

The return of live TV sport may not seem the top priority in the context of this huge national effort to prevent Covid-19 killing thousands more of us.

But how much less grim the last month would have been if the nation still had footie to focus on.

So it's hugely welcome that the Government hopes soon to get sport back up and running — albeit behind closed doors and subject to a battery of tests to keep players, ­officials and staff safe.

It will be weird without a soul there cheering them on. A bit like a normal county championship cricket match. But it will be far better than nothing... and almost certainly free to view too.

It might even allow the top leagues to finish their season, as well as keeping us all a bit saner as this crisis drags on.

Bring it on.

The return of live TV sport is not a priority. The presence of footie would not have made the last month less grim – preventing the deaths of thousands of people and preventing the deaths of NHS and care workers would have made it less grim. How strange that the Netherlands has voided their top division and the Spanish don't expect to see stadiums occupied until 2021, yet the English Premier League will carry on regardless, almost as if the virus is an unfortunate interruption and those of us who paid up front to watch our team live last season, are expected to be sat at home delighting in the news that ITV or the BBC will have a 'festival' of footy to broadcast.

How is it possible for 22 footballers and the match officials to adhere to social distancing on a football pitch?

Bring it on! Not for me thanks.

Meanwhile, people who are genuinely sick cannot get tested or treated but footballers and club staff will be able to?

How valid the matches might be after long breaks from normal training is a different, but valid question. We might get most matches completed.

On the parallel topic, how any discussion about the sexiest ladies of the '60s does not include the great Hattie Jacques is beyond me.

Would it be worth ToffeeWeb / Everton doing something similar, I wonder? I have missed a handful of home matches in the last 15 years or so but am struggling to come to a decision about when I'd be prepared to return to attending matches. Would I be happy, for instance, returning to matches at the start of the next regular season, if allowed to?

The answer is that I doubt it – maybe not until an effective vaccine has been successfully implemented – which may be God knows when.

What do other match goers think? Does there come a point when the punter becomes so bored with social distancing that they say "What the hell?"

What percentage of spectators would be prepared to return? There must be a large number of "older" season ticket holders who might be more cautious than their younger counterparts.

I'm afraid that behind-closed-doors football may become a reality for the foreseeable future. If not, then the suspension of the sport altogether.

Everton and all other clubs need to do some serious long-term planning, I think.

The 'hopeful' reports about a return of the Premier League are just the desperate twitchings of a media who have been salivating at the thought of a RS title and the papers and advertising space that they could shift.

VAR has corrupted the mathematics of the table anyway and there are more teams who stand to lose out of 'Project Restart' than would stand to gain.

Another possible response to a restart would be that, whilst games would be behind closed doors, there would be plenty of fans who congregate outside the grounds and cause a serious public order situation.

Moreover, players being tested and cleared for play is not a guarantee of them being free from the virus, and if other players catch it, they could face a recovery from between 6 and 18 months before their physiology is back to full working order. That is quite a chunk of anyone's career. If I was a player, I would only play again when there was a higher level of confidence in avoiding infection.

But, when all is said and done, how important is sport compared to human life and the fabric of society?

Premier League document reveals coronavirus training rules

What a load of rubbish, just cancel the season now. Even if they make a start with this there is so much that can go wrong but, just for starters, what happens if one person (player or official) is suspected of having Covid-19? Desperate for the cash!